The holidays approach

The holidays are among us. This is that time of year when I take on something almost schizophrenic in nature – when I am excited for the possibilities of warm holiday memories and dreading the chaos that always accompanies this time of year. In less than a week, Halloween will be upon us. All the little kiddies will dress in their scariest and threaten tricks while really just seeking out treats. My witch, my vampire princess and my devil will be among them, most likely pretending not to be freezing in order to avoid even a chance that they might miss out on some sugary goodness. They will, of course, have eaten 6+ pieces of candy before getting home despite my warnings to only have one. Once at home, they will proceed to dump their ‘treasure’ on the table and the sorting and trading will commence. Despite the candy-coated frenzy, I do still enjoy the whimsy of it all.

Not too long after that, we will be preparing for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving and Christmas are always harder holidays for me I think. Thanksgiving does remind to give thanks for each little blessing in my life, but, to be honest, I do that quite frequently anyway. But then it reminds me of the people who are not thankful for the blessings in their lives – the people who only focus on the negative things or the people who don’t even notice the blessings at all. I try not to let these people bring me down, but often I find myself dwelling on them and it makes me a little bitter. I don’t like that. I don’t like people who suck so much energy out of my life that I can’t focus on my own happy thoughts. So Thanksgiving is always a lesson in balance for me. But I do look forward to it nonetheless (okay, okay, I’ll admit, I am, more than anything else, looking forward to the turkey because it was AH-MAZING last year! – and the wine, I rather like that as well). I know ahead of time that at least two of the children will fight, one of them will beg everyone she sees to play video games with her, one will keep trying to hole herself up in her room, one will be too wound up and will eat very little and then she will fall asleep on the couch and at some point someone (or many) will leave a plate laying somewhere it shouldn’t be and the dogs will clean it off for them. I know these things WILL happen, but I look forward to it anyway and already I can feel the warm creep up into my face as I think about how much I appreciate the people in my life. I really need to be a hugger. ;-)

And then we head into Christmas. I am not ashamed to admit that I am getting really impatient to start decorating for that. Yes, I know, it’s not Halloween yet, but I can’t help it. I spent a good amount of time sniffing holiday scented candles and looking at Christmas crafts and working on Christmas lists with the kids and now I want the holly and lights and music and movies dammit! For the people coming over on Thanksgiving…there is a good chance that Christmas might have already puked on my house by then, it’s hard to say. ;-) I don’t know what it is, but Christmas always gives me hope in people (as long as I stay away from the malls, not a lot of hope there during the holidays). It always energizes me to make things better, to appreciate the smaller moments and delight in the delight of my children. It makes me feel warm and cozy and makes me want to sing and dance and laugh and play. Even when we do not have enough for many presents, I take joy in the twinkling lights of the Christmas trees and the happiness I feel when my children and myself are singing Christmas songs together (like Silent Night or the sillier songs like Deck the Halls with Parts of Charlie) and the ‘glee’ we feel anticipating the new holiday episode of ‘Glee’. I certainly have my moments of upset, especially when I really let things get me down, but for the most part, I’m kind of like a little kid Christmas – I am still very happy with hot chocolate and ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas.’

And those are just a few thoughts as we head into this holiday season. I’m sure I’ll have plenty more to say.

Time to Understand coupled with a bit of verbal vomit

Here are a few things I felt like spitting out today.

1. My children are little wild animals sometimes…okay a lot of the time. They fight, they cry, they talk loud enough to break glass. They do not let you finish a movie or a card game or much of anything without interrupting several (hundred) times. BUT they are also the compassionate and affectionate and often want nothing more than hugs and a chance to sit in your lap. You might see what trouble they are causing while you are there, but you aren’t seeing how they try to make me feel better when I’m sick or cuddle with me on the couch or how much they help me with chores on Sundays. What you aren’t considering is how awesome they truly are, especially when so many people in their own family forget they even exist - they just smile and move on, which makes them bigger people than most us, including myself. Do not judge me because they aren’t perfect little angels.

2. If you come over to my house with a chip on your shoulder, the reception isn’t going to be warm. If you come over having already decided that we suck, then don’t expect us to work hard to change that opinion. If you come over having decided that we aren’t cool enough, maybe you should grow up and look in a mirror.

3. If you come over to my house and see something that is MAJORLY wrong with it or something that needs to be addressed, then either talk to me about it or maybe offer to help me with it. Do NOT sit there and judge me and act like you are better than me. I work two jobs, take care of 3 kids, sometimes 5 (and 4 of the 5 are age 10 and younger) and I handle a good majority of the projects that get done around the house and, up until February, I was going to school full time as well. There are also many things I do not know how to do and/or can’t afford to do. If you have a particular skill set, then offer to help. I do not need nor want your judgment or better-than-you-attitude. What I need is a friend who understands and perhaps offers to help me sometime.

4. Just because I don’t break down in tears or share a lot of personal information, don’t assume that I’m just breezing through life. There are plenty of things that you don’t know, things friends don’t know, things my husband doesn’t know. There are things I do not like to talk about and other things I have detached myself from so that I do not get emotional when I talk about them. That really means very little. Don’t assume.

5. I am very aware that I am not always the victim. Do you know what that means? NEITHER ARE YOU.

6. Please understand that my life gets hit over and over again because of stuff other people did before I was ever involved. Please recognize that I work my tail off to work around these things and when things like Christmas come up, I tend to get a little depressed because I am lost as to what to do. Please be sensitive to that. Recognize it, maybe help me out if you are in a position to, but at the very least know that friendship and camaraderie are one of the best things you can offer me.

7. I actually like games. I like to play cards and board games. Many people I am around do not. Please don’t let that stop you. We may have to modify for less players, but please understand that I like games and I like them ever more when bad attitudes are not playing. If the number of players is an issue, my wild children would be happy to fill in.

8. If you are offering to buy me a Christmas present, there are things I need more than ‘stuff’. I need a handy man to come fix the cement in the basement, because I really don’t know how. If you can’t do that, then please by the cement and the tools I will need to figure it out myself. I need a fence around my yard or at the least the money to buy the wood so a friend can put one up for me. I need a new front door…and back door. A good majority of my windows need screens. I need someone to come in and professionally clean my carpets. And the list goes on and on.

9. I don’t care who you are, there is no excuse for siding with someone who keeps children away from their other parent out of spite. It’s harmful to the kids and just plain selfish.

10. If you have a problem with me, then please, talk to me about it. It may not be what you think. Don’t make your snap judgment, especially when you are only around for a minute and then talk trash about me when you don’t know what is ACTUALLY going on.

11. Someday my beautiful little baby is going to turn around and tell you to go take a flying leap. And I will cheer her on.

12. Stop with this holding grudges for 8, 9, 10+++ years BS. Believe it or not, people do change. People grow up and learn lessons and figure out some semblance of responsibility (okay, not ALL people, but most do). Why don’t you stop ripping on them for something they did a decade ago and start recognizing them for the person they are RIGHT NOW. Start realizing they are not the irresponsible, wild, stubborn teenagers they once were and they are now adults, parents, husbands or wives. GET OVER YOURSELF and get a freaking hobby.

13. If you are assuming this is pointed at you, ASK.