Time to Understand coupled with a bit of verbal vomit

Here are a few things I felt like spitting out today.

1. My children are little wild animals sometimes…okay a lot of the time. They fight, they cry, they talk loud enough to break glass. They do not let you finish a movie or a card game or much of anything without interrupting several (hundred) times. BUT they are also the compassionate and affectionate and often want nothing more than hugs and a chance to sit in your lap. You might see what trouble they are causing while you are there, but you aren’t seeing how they try to make me feel better when I’m sick or cuddle with me on the couch or how much they help me with chores on Sundays. What you aren’t considering is how awesome they truly are, especially when so many people in their own family forget they even exist - they just smile and move on, which makes them bigger people than most us, including myself. Do not judge me because they aren’t perfect little angels.

2. If you come over to my house with a chip on your shoulder, the reception isn’t going to be warm. If you come over having already decided that we suck, then don’t expect us to work hard to change that opinion. If you come over having decided that we aren’t cool enough, maybe you should grow up and look in a mirror.

3. If you come over to my house and see something that is MAJORLY wrong with it or something that needs to be addressed, then either talk to me about it or maybe offer to help me with it. Do NOT sit there and judge me and act like you are better than me. I work two jobs, take care of 3 kids, sometimes 5 (and 4 of the 5 are age 10 and younger) and I handle a good majority of the projects that get done around the house and, up until February, I was going to school full time as well. There are also many things I do not know how to do and/or can’t afford to do. If you have a particular skill set, then offer to help. I do not need nor want your judgment or better-than-you-attitude. What I need is a friend who understands and perhaps offers to help me sometime.

4. Just because I don’t break down in tears or share a lot of personal information, don’t assume that I’m just breezing through life. There are plenty of things that you don’t know, things friends don’t know, things my husband doesn’t know. There are things I do not like to talk about and other things I have detached myself from so that I do not get emotional when I talk about them. That really means very little. Don’t assume.

5. I am very aware that I am not always the victim. Do you know what that means? NEITHER ARE YOU.

6. Please understand that my life gets hit over and over again because of stuff other people did before I was ever involved. Please recognize that I work my tail off to work around these things and when things like Christmas come up, I tend to get a little depressed because I am lost as to what to do. Please be sensitive to that. Recognize it, maybe help me out if you are in a position to, but at the very least know that friendship and camaraderie are one of the best things you can offer me.

7. I actually like games. I like to play cards and board games. Many people I am around do not. Please don’t let that stop you. We may have to modify for less players, but please understand that I like games and I like them ever more when bad attitudes are not playing. If the number of players is an issue, my wild children would be happy to fill in.

8. If you are offering to buy me a Christmas present, there are things I need more than ‘stuff’. I need a handy man to come fix the cement in the basement, because I really don’t know how. If you can’t do that, then please by the cement and the tools I will need to figure it out myself. I need a fence around my yard or at the least the money to buy the wood so a friend can put one up for me. I need a new front door…and back door. A good majority of my windows need screens. I need someone to come in and professionally clean my carpets. And the list goes on and on.

9. I don’t care who you are, there is no excuse for siding with someone who keeps children away from their other parent out of spite. It’s harmful to the kids and just plain selfish.

10. If you have a problem with me, then please, talk to me about it. It may not be what you think. Don’t make your snap judgment, especially when you are only around for a minute and then talk trash about me when you don’t know what is ACTUALLY going on.

11. Someday my beautiful little baby is going to turn around and tell you to go take a flying leap. And I will cheer her on.

12. Stop with this holding grudges for 8, 9, 10+++ years BS. Believe it or not, people do change. People grow up and learn lessons and figure out some semblance of responsibility (okay, not ALL people, but most do). Why don’t you stop ripping on them for something they did a decade ago and start recognizing them for the person they are RIGHT NOW. Start realizing they are not the irresponsible, wild, stubborn teenagers they once were and they are now adults, parents, husbands or wives. GET OVER YOURSELF and get a freaking hobby.

13. If you are assuming this is pointed at you, ASK.