Small Wonders

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Little Engine that Barely Can


Ugh, tis the roller coaster of my life. I’m so determined to do better, to do things better, but I am so tired from trying so hard that I don’t want to do better right now. I have a week until I’m done with school and I’m fighting every second not to throw in the towel. I have crucial things to get done in the house and I’m trying so hard to be excited about them, because I know they are good things, and I know they have to be done, but I’m just so tired. My head does not want to keep everyone’s appointments or pay bills or even figure out what I want to watch. I just want to think about nothing for a while. But for each new chaos brought to my mind, it forgets something trivial and makes me think that I hardly know anything at all. It’s a vicious and frustrating circle. The more tired I get and the more frustrated I get, the less patient I get with people who whine needlessly about the same old crap. With that being said, here are a few things I feel like blurting out:

- No I do NOT like your wife. I never have and I never will and I think you are both full of it.

- No I have NOT changed my opinion of you. I still think you are one of the most selfish people I know and I can’t wait until certain people get old enough to tell you how they feel.

- You are a lazy, opinionated SOB that walks around like you are better than me and mine. Really? Have you looked around you?

- Some people should never be allowed to have children.
- Some children had better get their heads out of their butts and stop acting like the world owes them a favor.

- Some people better figure out that I am not the only adult around and the other adults that are around better figure out to act like adults.

- How can I feel sorry for you if you do nothing to change your situation?

- Do you think I haven’t noticed how much friendlier you were before you got what you wanted and now that you have, you can’t return a text or phone call? Trust me. I’ve noticed.

- I hate that my kids don’t really have family close by that they can see regularly.

- It makes me intensely angry when I think about how quickly you are willing to write your own kid off.

- It ticks me off that you don’t see how hard I fight for this.

- I work full time, go to school, take care of 3 kids, volunteer and run my household. What is YOUR excuse?

Okay, I guess that’s it for now. Those are not all for the same person. Just some phrases that fly in and out of my head that I would love to direct at people and just can’t bring myself to do it. But this felt good. 

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